I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
