your thong is hanging out like whoa
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
