Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
