I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
