you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
