I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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