On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
