He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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