Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
