i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hello my rib-scented angel!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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