I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize