yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
