I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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