direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There r osticjed everywhere
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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