bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
