does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
