____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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