I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
