Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize