I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
