No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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