A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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