Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
