Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
