Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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