Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
