mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
