i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want to fling myself into the sun
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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