alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
