I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
