I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
