Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
