You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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