Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize