i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
