As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize