so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
