Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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