There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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