Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
