he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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