tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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