you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
