You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You are a genius and a whore.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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