Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
