the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
