some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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