I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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