Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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