she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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