I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize