It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
