the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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