I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
