we have officially lost it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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