seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
