was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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