She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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