your thong is hanging out like whoa
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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