You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize