When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
