People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
